I think I died a long time ago.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Boobs are out for the taking
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
