i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
