8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
