i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize