I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize