check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
