My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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