I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
