OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had to cum in my sink.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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