The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
