Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
