Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
