Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
