Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
