I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
