I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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