I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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