you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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