did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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