Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i now understand why vodka
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
