Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
