im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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