Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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