East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
