i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
