I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
