I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
