the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
