My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
