He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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