So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
