I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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