There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
