I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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