So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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