Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
