i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
