Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
