How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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