i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
