Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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