thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
