how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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