Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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