Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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