well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
