dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
