Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
