that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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