Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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