Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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