I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
