i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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