The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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