he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
