Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're like the curious george of whores
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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