I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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