Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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