tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
