i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
