nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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