I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
