Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Alive.
So much puke
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
