You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
