I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
