dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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