S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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