If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
