Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
