everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
