first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
